Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
