he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
