No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
