she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Alive.
So much puke
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
