The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize