i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
