Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
