whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
