Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
