hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
