I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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