THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
