I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
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i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
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I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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