do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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