I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
