My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
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Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
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There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Oh god it's open bar.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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