I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
