I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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