You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
