I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
