2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
