I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize