we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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