It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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