The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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