You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
