i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
