My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
