It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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