bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
