I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
