you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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