he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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