Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
