dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
