Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
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You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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