I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
