We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
