Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
