I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
