A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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