Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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