I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
