So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
