She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
