I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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