Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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