kristin has been a bad kristin
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
