i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
