pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
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Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
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The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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