and you said cock pushups were impossible
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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