So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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