she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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