HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I want to fling myself into the sun
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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