mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
