I met the friendliest cop last night
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My vagina is officially offended.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
