By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
