who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
