Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
