Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
