You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
