Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
