apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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