Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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