how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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