i was born a porn star she said
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
