This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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