I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
