How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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