just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You've changed since you got that strap on
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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