I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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