why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
