Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
