They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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