Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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