I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
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He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
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Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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