What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
