i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
