Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Im part way to drunk.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
