five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
How naked do you want me to be?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
