no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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