guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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