i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
