you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
