sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
