And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
